🦬 Ranking NFL's Most Dangerous Mascots

In today’s newsletter, I revisit something I did last summer and rank the NFL mascots in order of the way they’d jack you or each other up in a fight, plus we get a nugget of info from our friends at Dynasty League Football.

It’s late June and there’s a lull in NFL action, so I decided to take a break from fantasy football chatter and re-rank all the mascots in the order in which they’d mess you up if stumbled upon in the wild.

32-29. Packers, Giants, Jets, and Chargers

These teams don’t have an official mascot, which is super lame. You can’t fight what doesn’t exist.

28. Cardinals - Big Red

These small birds are pretty and all, but present zero threat to anything other than insects.

27. Titans - T-Rac

Let’s set aside the fact that they chose a raccoon over something titan-like. Raccoons are cute and a little bit of a nuisance, but they don’t really present too much harm, other than the risk of rabies. Throw some food at them and you’ve won.

26. Cowboys - Rowdy

Rowdy doesn’t carry a gun, but he does have some muscles, so be prepared for a mild-ish struggle. Or perhaps a boot-kicking.

25. Raiders - Raider Rusher

I’m not sure this human-esque mascot invokes much fear, but he does have a head full of spikes, which kept him out of last place.

24. Ravens - Poe

Ravens do protect their young and could attack if you get too close, but they only have their bills to use as armor, as they weren’t blessed with teeth.

23. Seahawks - Blitz

Fun fact, seahawks don’t exist, but Ospreys or Skuas are the closest match. These birds are highly aggressive and will attack anything that comes near their nest, including humans. They have large talons that could mess you up in the blink of an eye.

22. Eagles - Swoop

These birds are powerful enough to kill a human, but rarely attack unless provoked during mating season.

21. Falcons - Freddie Falcon

Like the two raptors above, falcons can jack you up when defending their territory or nesting area.

20. Patriots - Pat Patriot

Here’s another human who isn’t even remotely scary, but he‘s old school and comes from an era of fighters.

19. 49ers - Sourdough Sam

This guy comes from a very rough time when famine and disease were rampant, plus he carries a pickaxe.

18. Steelers - Steely McBeam

Here we have your lunch pail, salt-of-the-earth mascot, who will likely fight anyone who disagrees with his takes. Plus, he can knock anyone out with those beams.

17. Vikings - Viktor

Viktor is equipped with horns and a staff with a football on the end. Don’t let that smile fool you, Vikings were tough, and he seems like he’d put up a solid fight.

16. Buccaneers - Captain Fear

You rarely want to mess with pirates, and this one has a big sword.

15. Browns - Chomps

Dogs are amazing and super sweet, but they can also be fiercely protective.

14. Saints - Gumbo

New Orleans also has a secondary mascot, “Sir Saint”, but he’s not as fun as a random dog, which they also have for some reason. Here’s Gumbo with a G.O.A.T.

13. Dolphins - T.D

Sure, dolphins have sharp teeth, are super intelligent, and are fairly mean at times. However, we’re talking about a land fight so he’s lower in the rankings out of his element.

12. Rams - Rampage

While smaller in stature, rams are crazy fast and can do some serious damage with those horns.

11. Commanders - Major Tuddy

It took a bit of restraint to not have Major Tuddy in last place, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt that he’s of the wild variety. Wild boars can attack unprovoked causing fatal injuries, and can also be a risk to pets and other animals.

10. Chiefs - K.C. Wolf

Wolves mostly hunt in packs, but I still wouldn't want to face one in the wild. So K.C. lands among the Top 10 deadliest mascots.

9. Colts - Blue

Horses are unpredictable and way too strong to mess with.

8. Broncos - Miles

See Blue above, but Miles is even more of a badass.

7. Jaguars - Jaxson De Ville

Jaguars can climb and hunt, and have intense physical strength. Jaxon De Ville is below the Panthers’ mascot due to the image of him wearing a Speedo that is forever cemented in my head.

6. Panthers - Sir Purr

Panthers and Jaguars are pretty much the same. Sir Purr is just a Jaguar with dominant alleles that cause melanism in the cat.

5. Lions - Roary

They are majestic and known to rule the jungle. While lions are sometimes portrayed as the most dangerous of animals, there are still four mascots I would want to fight less.

4. Bengals - Who Dey

Some of you may think lion and tiger should be reversed here, but tigers are responsible for more human deaths, mostly due to their solitary and predatory nature. Tigers are also larger in both length and weight, and according to some scientists, there’s a 90% chance that the tiger will win a fight between the two.

3. Bills - Billy Buffalo

For starters, Billy is really a Bison, considering Buffaloes are located in Africa and Asia. Bison are the largest mammals in North America and can weigh up to 2,000 lbs and stand 6 ft tall. Freakishly, they run up to 35 mph and can spin around quickly, jump high fences, and are strong swimmers. And as a reminder to those who simply don’t heed the warnings, don’t approach these guys for selfies at our National Parks. 🤦🏽‍♀️

2. Texans - Toro

When looking into these last two animals, I didn’t expect to come across the origins of Wall Street’s Bull and Bear markets. Apparently, back in 19th-century California, they established a Gold Rush fight club of sorts between grizzly bears and bulls brought over by Spanish Conquistadors. Both animals won, but the bear did it more often.

1. Bears - Staley Da Bear

Bears are no joke; they will hurt, maim, or kill you and every other animal or human-esque mascot in the NFL. If you encounter one of these guys or gals in the wild, the protocol is to leave your pack on and PLAY DEAD. They say to lie flat on your stomach with your hands clasped behind your neck and spread your legs to make it harder for the bear to turn you over. Then remain still until the bear leaves the area. Best of luck with that.

Check Out 4for4’s Incredible Sub Deals Right Now

Get a FREE 4for4 subscription and access all our premium content, tools, and reports. Must be a new depositor at one of our partner sites.

It might not even be close to football season but DLF is always churning out content and the hot summer months give us an opportunity to take a deeper look at players we may often overlook. We’ve just started our annual off-season series highlighting a few key players on each NFL squad. 

Here’s an excerpt from Rob Willette’s 2025 Dynasty Riser, Faller and Longshot Predictions: Houston Texans. 

Sleeper: Christian Kirk, WR

The Texans have a pretty clean balance of established veterans and rookies at the skill positions, leading us to Christian Kirk as a sleeper. The former Cardinal and Jaguar is not getting much love in drafts, going at WR72 in startup ADP.

Pathway To Relevance

Tank Dell is out for a long time, and while we have a lot of optimism for Jayden Higgins and Jaylin Noel, they are rookies, and coaching staffs are often hesitant to throw too much on their plate. It could open up a short-term window for Christian Kirk to thrive within an offense we expect to be improved in 2025, and only Nico Collins could work ahead of him in the target pecking order.

Case Against Him

There is a reason the Texans loaded up at receiver. They do not view Kirk as part of their long-term plans, and while Kirk being a free agent in 2026 is part of it, they have no attachment to him if he looks like a diminished player in his age-29 season. Noel – the player whose skillset most overlaps with Kirk’s – could just prove a better, more explosive player, sending Kirk to the dustbin of fantasy history.

Verdict

I would not be surprised if you told me Kirk finishes second on the Texans in targets. I would also not be surprised if you told me he finishes sixth. The first possibility, however, would have me taking a shot at Kirk late in drafts. He was a productive player in Jacksonville, really only slowed the past two seasons by missed time. A healthy Kirk could be an important part of this offense a nice fantasy bargain this fall.

Still not a 4for4 subscriber? Our new packages are out for the 2024/2025 season so take advantage of early🐦 pricing for access to award-winning rankings, highly actionable content for redraft, DFS and betting, and much more. Head to 4for4 and check it all out!

USE CODE JEN10 for 10% OFF ANY PLAN, NOW!

Here are the latest articles to drop, be sure to keep stopping by as there’s always something new!

Characteristics of an Early-Round Bust

6 Fantasy Football WRs Whose Touchdowns Are Trending Up & Down

Do Defenses Repeat Fantasy Football Performances?

13 Contract-Year Players to Watch in 2025

2025 Offensive Line Rankings: 21-11

The Best Fantasy Football League Settings for 2025

How Draft Date Impacts Best Ball Leagues

DraftKings Best Ball Tournament Strategy

DraftKings Best Ball: Weeks 15-17 Cheat Sheet